There's nothing worse than a long holiday weekend for falling behind on the news. What group of clumsy criminals are we bailing out now? And, gosh, will a zillion dollars be enough? You can lose track. Plus what's happening with Heidi and Spencer?

That's why a website like Free Republic...

Disclosure first: I live in Southern California, and I'm almost certain they don't sell American cars here. The cops drive Crown Vics, but only to give the criminals a sporting chance to get away. Makes the freeway chases last longer. Good for ratings.

I guess I've rented American cars. I...

You can change the world with your vote today. Not somewhere down the line, but the second it's counted. You can even change the world -- as long as you vote for Barack Obama -- whether he wins or not. That's how important your vote is.

I'm not talking...

Two of my daughters, Brick and Chance, were perfectly nice things for Halloween but our eldest, Heavenly, wanted to be Sarah Palin. I was proud but annoyed. On the one hand, Sarah Palin seemed like a reasonably clever costume for a fifteen-year-old. (As it turned out, there was only one...

Yesterday Sarah Palin did a phone interview with James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Most of it went pretty well -- lucky, he's a creep who likes children, that's an important sign; lucky, she's an asshole with children, small world, isn't it? -- but there was one ugly gotcha...

John McCain isn't just going to spend the next eighteen days drifting around the swing states like a mall walker. (Didn't David Lynch make a movie about a real old guy riding a tractor across America to get away from Sissy Spacek? I think it's on my "Movies I Never...

The difference between Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney is Sarah Palin didn't flunk out of college. Dick Cheney did, so he has an excuse when he can't understand the difference between illegal and unethical. Sarah Palin should know better.

Smart? Ask anyone at the Weekly Standard: Sarah Palin is John...

"Evil must be defeated!" -- John McCain 8/16/08

"Enough is enough! We're going to put an end to greed!" -- John McCain 9/17/08

It's inspiring to know that John McCain has a plan to end greed. I just hope it doesn't distract him from his mission to defeat evil. Either...

My grandmother Grace was a librarian in a tiny northern town. (Population 20,000. Average annual snowfall 11 feet.) She was a little old Irish lady. Flinty. You'd have liked her. She'd help you find a book. So, while I know there are lots of other, better reasons to dislike Sarah...

I think politicians' families are totally off limits. Children are meant to be seen and not heard about. The second they finish the People magazine photo spread, that's it. Mum's the word. Or grand mum. Or whatever Sarah Palin is.

The Palin Family is private. That's why Sarah Palin never,...

John McCain says that one of his "life's ambitions is to meet Herman Wouk." Which doesn't sound all that challenging, as goals go. The author of The Winds of War is 93. McCain could probably catch him. But does Herman Wouk want to meet John McCain?

Herman Wouk...

From the very beginning, the presidential race should have been between Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton opposing Sen. McCain and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. It could still be if we quit wasting time.

I don't believe...

The documents disclosed that authorities searched Ivins' home on Nov. 2, 2007, taking 22 swabs of vacuum filters and radiators and seizing dozens of items. Among them were video cassettes, family photos, information about guns and a copy of The Plague by Albert Camus. -- AP, 06/08/08

It's a shitty...

"He believes our world is dangerous. Our economy in shambles... Don't hope for a better life... McCain."

-- A McCain Ad I'll Admit I Probably Only Half Heard

It's been pretty hard to keep up with negative McCain ads this week. They're like suicide bombings. You're reading about one and...

McCain Has Mole-Like Skin Removed

-- headline, abcnews.go.com 7/28/08

This might be my favorite headline of the election so far. Maybe ever. It raises so many wonderful questions.

1) Shouldn't this be bigger news? I mean, Sweet Jesus, if you had your skin removed -- whether you looked like...

John McCain took in a Yankees game yesterday, well, more or less. He disappeared from the stands in the middle of the sixth, never to be seen again. The score was tied, but the photo opportunity had been won, and if McCain stays in the sun for more than an...

There are billions and billions of reasons to hate McDonald's. They took the McRib away, for one, and that burns. (Sometimes I almost wish I'd never loved it at all.) There's at least one good reason to like McDonald's: They're being boycotted by the American Family Association.

What did McDonald's...

Florida's bachelor Governor Charlie Crist is getting married, and to a woman, too. That's how badly he wants to be vice president. I hope John McCain is happy now.

I hope Crist isn't making a mistake by trying too hard. Men don't want anything they can get too easy....

You have to be at least a little comforted by the idea of making Mitt Romney John McCain's vice president. The Mormons did such a nice job taking care of Howard Hughes during his decline. So there's that.

(Hughes certainly appreciated their care. When he died, he left an...

John McCain kind of stepped in it the other day, here in California, but luckily no one noticed. He was being driven from John Wayne airport to a fundraiser, and he took a quick call from Martin Wisckol of the Orange County Register. Wisckol asked him a series of softball...